Following Becoming a Politician in Lebanon – HOWTO #1.
If you are not a fortunate son of a… leader, you need to find an alternative way to make your way in the swamp of politics. A very efficient way is to buy it!!!
I was told that money buys everything, but I refused to agree. I was remembering that old email forward about how money can buy you medicine but not health, bed not sleep, a castle but not a home, etc. Well, I think that email was true and wise, but not accurate!
First, you have to make money. It doesn’t matter what you do to make the money, you can smuggle diamonds, sell drugs, sell/rent humans as in white (preferably-)willing beautiful women (or boys) to rich Arab kings and princes, etc. Let’s not get into details, just find a way to get money and lots of it.
Secondly, you start making a new shining image of yourself: the image of the pious, educated, generous, (fill in with other good adjectives…) and successful businessman. These characteristics of this soon-to-be-politician businessman help the public believe in him.
As a pious man, he would invest building or renovating a mosque or a church. This way, the layman would believe that this businessman honors the house of God. Moreover, it helps clean or at least overlook his suspicious past. Regular “gifts” to clergy is very useful.
As an educated man, he values education and hence he would offer scholarships to the needy and not-so-needy students. You know there is this Arabic proverb “من علمني حرفا كنت له عبدا” which translates to “Whoever teaches me a letter, I shall be his servant/slave.” If someone bought you education, would you dare be ungrateful and criticize him?
Being generous, he would send food and/or money aids (not AIDS) to the needy people. Again, there is this Lebanese proverb, “طعمي التم، بتستحي العين” which translates to “Feed the mouth and the eye shall be bashful.” If someone is sending you food, would you dare be ungrateful and not vote for him?
He won’t forget sending “tokens of love” to other politicians in power too.
This way, he succeeded in buying the politicians, the clergy and the public. It is time to enter the Lebanese politics through its wide doors.
Sunday, November 18
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2 comments:
witty as the first one. I like how you included the proverbs. I was invited to an iftar during Ramadan held by someone who wasn't the son of a politician but had gathered a lot of money and was going through all the steps you mentioned above. What stunned me was that his right hand man told me that the iftar was for the purpose of: طعمي التم بتستحي العين
They know very well how to exploit the goodness of the human nature. Many good people will feel unconsciously like they owe them.
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